My brother, the writer Jeff Bredenberg, kindly gave me permission to publish these lines of verse disparaging the necktie:
Let’s Let Ties Die
By Jeff Bredenberg
I think that I shall never spy
A garment sillier than a tie.
A silky flag to catch the breeze,
A rag to snag my every sneeze,
A sickly cloth of polka dots: mustard drops
and ice cream blots.
And when my dangling finery
Gets tangled in machinery,
I’ll lose my breath for sake of dress
And meet my death by printing press!
If fashions fade the whole year through,
Why, oh why, can’t ties die, too?
— Jeff Bredenberg
This poem was originally written for the book “How to Cheat at Cleaning,” and It is dedicated to the memory of my father, Paul A. Bredenberg, who detested ties.)