My brother, the writer Jeff Bredenberg, kindly gave me permission to publish these lines of verse disparaging the necktie:

Let’s Let Ties Die

By Jeff Bredenberg

I think that I shall never spy

A garment sillier than a tie.

A silky flag to catch the breeze,

A rag to snag my every sneeze,

A sickly cloth of polka dots: mustard drops

and ice cream blots.

And when my dangling finery

Gets tangled in machinery,

I’ll lose my breath for sake of dress

And meet my death by printing press!

If fashions fade the whole year through,

Why, oh why, can’t ties die, too?

*

— Jeff Bredenberg

This poem was originally written for the book “How to Cheat at Cleaning,” and It is dedicated to the memory of my father, Paul A. Bredenberg, who detested ties.)